The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the word friend as “a person who you like and enjoy being with; a person who helps or supports someone or something (such as a cause or charity).” Sounds reasonable. But, in the social media world, the word friend as defined by the dictionary seems inconsistent with the way we present ourselves online. The anonymity with which we can post our thoughts, beliefs and rants makes us feel secure in saying whatever we want with little concern for offending our friends. In reality, much of what is said online would not be shared face-to-face. I have many friends with whom I disagree on various topics. We realize we disagree and won’t change each other’s minds, so choose to find other things to discuss. We look for common ground. Makes sense.
That is the serious drawback to relationships presented by social media. We lose our filters, common courtesy and respect for others when we post something to the world. What is it about being online that causes us to lose our normal sense of what is appropriate? I don’t have the answer, but have come to realize that the number of friends I have on Facebook is much less important than the number and quality of friends I have offline.
My time with friends online is less memorable, less impactful and doesn’t really do much for my disposition. However, an evening with friends in person usually results in much laughter, some good story-telling and a sense of time well-spent. Time with friends also means getting out of the house, sometimes with an activity of some sort that is good for me.
Not so many years ago, when someone wanted to see a friend, it meant planning a trip, even if only a few miles. It wasn’t something you just did spontaneously. Even more fascinating was that friends who lived far apart, when visiting would stay for a few days to make the trip worthwhile. How many of us would consider having a friend come and visit for a few days today? Not likely. We prefer our friends more at a distance. If they see our house, we may not measure up to the image we portray of ourselves. But, in the past, it was more difficult to project a public image different from our private one. In fact, it was considered dishonest to attempt to portray yourself other than you were. Today, we have a public self and a private self. This can extend into our work life where morals, courtesy and respect are set aside for getting ahead and being successful.
The interesting thing about all of this is that the friends we truly value and turn to when life gets hard are the ones we are totally honest with. The ones who know our faults, fears and dreams. We are not concerned with how those friends perceive us as we trust them and don’t feel the need to posture or impress. So why then do we expend so much energy trying to impress everyone else that we admittedly don’t trust and value like we do our real friends?
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